Colossal food failures

So, after last night's stuffing failure, I feel obliged to write a brief account of the other food failures I have made my family and new friends endure since moving to Rome. Wednesday before Christmas, I find a turkey at the supermarket....after we had given up on the turkey for Christmas. While I am somewhat ashamed to admit I didn't have the energy or time to go to a butcher and order a proper turkey, I was very excited to find the Perfect Christmas Dinner Turkey (ok...so, it was only 2.6 kilos, but it was a turkey!). After the excitement subsides, and I realize the bird has mysteriously ended up in our cart....and my pragmatic side thinks through what we need to make a full turkey dinner. Stuffing, cranberry sauce....hmm...definitely challenging. I buy a quarter loaf of day old bread, celery, onion and chicken stock with the hopes of figuring out the stuffing, and know that cranberry sauce is too much to hope for. It is not until I get home that I read the "best before Dec. 24th" sticker prominently displayed on the front that I again have a sinking moment of realization....this will not be the Christmas meal! Christmas eve it was then....

Stuffing starts off well...how hard could this be, right? Its just stale bread that is moistened and then cooked, right? Ha, ha, ha....cutting the bread into squares, mixing them with fresh herbs, spices and olive oil went fine. After I put them in the oven for a "toasting" things started to go down hill fast. The kids needed something (times 2), the dogs needed something, and Richard was telling me about his next ultra adventure....and then, all of a sudden I smelt something burning! Black charcoal bricks met me in the oven.....after sifting through the coals, a few squares seemed edible, so I cut up the onions, celery and apples to add. I remembered the old adage "everything is better with butter" and added extra butter to the liquid, and through the concoction into the oven. Wow.....I didn't really know that stuffing could be so bad. The result, squishy charcoal with buttery/greasy liquid. YUM!

Before this adventure into the "kitchen nightmares", we had guests over for Thanksgiving. Both the husband and wife are trained chefs, and while he has moved into hotel management and she is a professional mom, they both still have a refined palette for good food. Luckily, Richard was in charge of the Butterball turkey, and Stovetop was my new friend, and I had found "the one market in all of Rome" that sold cranberries and cranberry-orange sauce was so easy, I even did a decent job. We had watched Alton Browne make a cranberry-pear pie, that he claimed was easy and delicious. Famous last words. I read the recipe, watched the show and thought....I can do this with a couple of substitutes....like don't make my own pastry (use the store bought!) and use regular flour instead of tapioca flour. No problem....well, it wasn't edible...more like glue in a pot with "extra" lumps...the crust was particularly poor, as the outside was burnt to a charcoal crisp, and the insides were limp and wet-noodly, with the unnatural gleam of poorly cooked pastery! And, the worst part.....knowing it was bad as my husband served it to our friends....they tried...oh did they try to eat it with a smile! But, it was AWFUL! A legendary horror that has now become a kitchen nightmare of my own:)

Christmas Letter

For those of you who I missed, here is the Holiday Letter we sent out!



Dear Family and Friends,

Grampa Jake used to say the best time of year was Christmas, as everyone would write to update each other on what they had been up to for the past year. In these times of Facebook, Twitter, and email, holiday letters seem a bit outdated, yet the charm remains and as parents trying to balance our kids technology exposure and old-school inter-personal skills, we opted for the co-authorship of a family holiday letter, which provides only a glimpse of the past year. Sarah started a blog of our adventures, which everyone is welcome to peruse (http://wondertwinsinrome.blogspot.com/).

We started the year relaxing in the Bahamas enjoying Aunt Sarah’s excellent company. We saw sharks and rays, ate great food, and Izzy swam with Gombay the Dolphin. Upon return, it seems like we didn’t sit down again for the rest of the year. Richard started his new job returning to the United Nations World Food Programme in Rome, Sarah started her professional sabbatical allowing for more time with the kids (limited by Roman traffic and the two paid and one volunteer jobs she has on the side), and the kids started their first international educational experience and learned the rules of an Italian schoolyard.

As one would imagine, leaving Silver Spring and arriving in Rome took work. Richard rushed off to Rome, with two weeks to finalize arrival logistics on the Italian side, while Sarah rushed to clean, pack and get our house in Silver Spring ready to sell. Luckily, Richard located a wonderful house near the center of Rome in a national park on the old Appian Way. Right before departing Silver Spring, Snowmagedon hit the DC region, covering our street with 5 feet of snow, causing our front steps to crumble (greatly increasing curb appeal), and facilitating the loading of our container and easy access to the airport! Snow followed us to Rome, as it snowed for the first time in a quarter of a century during our first week! Since it seemed we hadn’t had enough snow, we drove to the Italian Alps to meet Richard’s brother’s family for a lovely week skiing.

After the snow adventures, settling to Rome was much harder than we thought it was going to be. It took quite a while to get the kids into school, and a bit longer for everyone to adjust. The principle reason: a constant state of terror generated by the Roman traffic! Let’s just say that SMART Car is an oxymoron. Some good old friends and some great new friend have made the transition a bit easier.

Soon, Ethan discovered Ben 10, a young boy who stumbles across an alien watch that can transform him into different alien superheroes. We haven’t seen Ethan since, and are now living with someone called Jetray, who occasionally transforms into Stinkfly or Ripjaws. His twin sister, on the other hand, pronounced “I’m an artist” to her teachers upon entering her new classroom. Each morning she wakes with a request for paper and crayons, where she creates fantastical princesses, presents and letters in her magical land. Like many of her classmates she practices becoming a princess, and while some actually are real princesses, Izzy is content with imagining.

The twins also formed a support team for their running parents, who decided moving to a new country with kids and dogs was not enough of a challenge. Sarah decided to take on her second marathon this year, winning a place in the Nike Women’s Marathon in San Francisco, while Richard decided it was a clever idea to enter an ultra-trail 56 km (35 mile) mountain race. Let’s just say that one of us is sane, while the other has questionable judgment. Each weekend the Wonder Twins would stage Gatorade and treats at various points along the Appia Antica to make sure that their parents were well hydrated and energized for their training during the hot summer months. In between, they would play Hannibal vs. Scipio Africanus - you know that classic childhood game where Hannibal’s elephants square off against the Roman Legions. Thanks to the Wonder Twin’s Support Team both parents finished their races, although climbing Mt. Nutcracker at 50km into the race almost finished Richard (fortunately crawling was an option). Sarah persevered through freezing rain over the San Francisco hills and finished strong.

Who knows what the New Year will bring for the Wonder Twin family, but we are thankful for all of the support and love we get from family, old and new friends. We wish everyone a happy and fruitful holiday season and an adventurous New Year!

Lots of Love,
The Roman Clan
Richard (aka himself), Sarah (aka Brubaker), Ethan (aka Bubbie) and Izzy (aka Wizard)